Voices A long time ago, more than ten years, there was a girl that I had a crush on. We talked a great deal, more than I'd ever talked to any girl, and I thought - no, I knew - that we were in love. We worked together, and after work one evening, I offered her a ride home. Instead, she took a ride from another guy. A friend, she said, but I hardly knew what that meant. She had a lot of friends, and she had a thin line between guy friends and boyfriends. I was jealous.

I remember not knowing what to do except to be miserable. Self-deprecating, self-defeatist. I typed out a long e-mail to her, and I have absolutely no recollection of any specifics except that it outlined why she was too good for me. I never sent it.

You might think that this was the end, but no, it got worse. Understand that back then I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. Socially, I was so backwards that I was running in the other direction. Instead of sending it to her, I called. It's possible that I knew he would be there, that I would be interrupting.

I had some software on my computer that read text out loud. You could even choose from a variety of different voices. I set the phone down by the speaker and I walked away.

Today, I wonder which voice I chose, and how long it took me to pick it.  ¶ 8:30 PM