Subconscious Hostility Following the discontinuation of a relationship, I find that it’s difficult for me not to be bitter, even when I know it wasn’t working. Even though I try to be honest with how I feel and react around someone, I always seem to withhold bits and pieces, and these things always seem to nag at me until I explode.

There was a woman that I was seeing after I first moved in with my sister. We didn’t have a lot in common – although we probably would have more in common now – but I did enjoy her company, when we managed to spend any time together. I worked early in the day and she worked late in the night, so our schedules always seemed to conflict, and even on the days when our free time overlapped, I would often get blown off so she could be with her friends. To me, that’s not such a big deal; I realize that friends are important. What I couldn’t tolerate, however, was that we would actually have made plans to do something and then she wouldn’t let me know otherwise until it was far too late. I brought this up once while we were still seeing each other but it didn’t make a difference. Months later, she called and asked why I hadn’t spoken to her recently, and that’s when I exploded. I told her exactly what I thought of her, I told her how inconsiderate she was, and I told her why I’d never be with her.

Some people must subconsciously enjoy that kind of confrontation. She sends me letters once in a while, wondering if we can get together. I haven’t replied yet.

Maybe I will some day. When I have some free time.  ¶ 8:02 PM